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Omicronus posted on February 02, 2010, 09:33:34 AM for chapter #35 Amazing
Omicronus I left the monotony of Adultfanfiction.Net when I read the last chapter of your story posted there (the Author's Note mentioning that it was completed).

Context-wise, I noticed a significant rising in spelling errors and maybe a couple of grammatical errors as well (I can't really be ruthless, I'm too nice). You might want to have someone else proofread this as well. I'd offer, but I don't have the attention span, and reading something for corrections is just as boring to me as work.

I really don't know where to start where praise is concerned. Chris' game and the subsequent sex that followed actually got me so brain-drunk I had to step off the story for a while (gave me an excuse to do dishes while I cleared my head). Also, it had the added effect of masking Miranda's true motives. You had me really thinking that she was good for your main character, and I was on his side when everyone else saw Miranda for who she was and tried to tell him different. The sudden revelation at the end of Chapter 33 floored me in a way that even I felt betrayed. It's a mark of a good writer that I sympathized with the main character on a personal level.

One last thing: I really got a laugh about the "Raccoons" jokes. That's unmistakably Canadian.

This was an excellent piece, Redsliver, and one hell of a steamy, sexy roller coaster ride! Congrats to you!
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Redsliver the story's author responded on February 02, 2010, 12:38:08 PM
Redsliver Thank you so much. I'm glad Miranda's manipulativeness hit you so well. I was trying for that.

As for the spelling and contextual errors. I'm aware of them and they're driving me a little nuts. I have been personally going through the story a few times over and been finding them everywhere. I'll do a few more laps and post my edits (and slight changes) afterwards.

Most of the changes I intend or continuity related, putting Cale in earlier in the story once or twice and Making sure Miranda swears less.

Thanks again, I tried to make it seem very Canadian, glad you liked The Raccoons reverence.
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(guest) posted on October 30, 2009, 06:34:57 PM for chapter #22 Excellent

This chapter took me way back to my college days, when beer and sex poured freely and often.The enviroment was perfectly detailed and evocative. Well done! This chapter reminded me of every drunken party I ever attended! Except I didn't drink so I was always the Designated Driver! It's really amazing how you capture the moods so well!

Fine job!
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(guest) posted on October 27, 2009, 05:07:57 PM for chapter #21 Excellent
A great chapter!

You do an excellent job of creating the mood and crafting your character's actions for the setting. This was so clear and realistic.

Great job!
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Redsliver the story's author responded on October 30, 2009, 10:55:28 AM
Redsliver Thanks, review is appreciated far more than I knew it would be. The story's still rolling out, I hope to have it done by December 1st, but if I finish it in 2009 I'll be ecstatic.
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(guest) posted on April 11, 2009, 05:31:59 PM for chapter #1 Good
Interesting first chapter.

Well written, and easy to understand. You did a good job, Red, with your sharp characterizations and imagery. I could clearly see the bar and all that went on in there. Excellent! This was a much better work than 'Witch Hunt', and I've only read the first chapter! The characters appear to total reprobates, which makes them hard to empathize with, but I was able to keep interest in the primary character.

All-in-all a sweet chapter!
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Redsliver the story's author responded on April 11, 2009, 06:02:46 PM
Redsliver Cool, I do think each chapter needs a bit more work and quite a bit of polish, but it is good to know that things are at least looking good at this point. It is also far more fun and easy to write than Witch Hunt so I probably will be working this story more. I'm glad you like Robbie, there's a lot of my brother and my best friend in him. He, Aaron and Chris are definitely reprobates, good word it'll probably show up in one of the next few chapters.
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